it will mimmick u like a picture print

IT IS EXTREMELY EMBARASSING WHEN YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND CAN BARELY TELL SOMEONE ABOUT YOU.


he didnt even remember i have a kid or what her name is. or how many brothers or sisters I have.
or anything important.
dear god help me.

Breathing wont heal it

So Josh has decided to sit over there across the room but whatever.
Dad bought him a gift but its gotta get taken back cause its crooked.
This teacher is really laid back its kind of awkward.
Allison is talking and its funny
Josh is STILL ignoring me

Over the rainbow

So today has been yet another awkward day.
Josh is been kind of avoiding me again.
Last night he said he just doesnt feel well.
He ignored me at coffee break.
Katie sat with us. She told me some interesting stuff, but IDC cause I trust Josh.
I hope Josh doesnt think that I said he was an asshole cause it was katie who screamed that, not me.
I let Garrett have it this morning, i was pissed. He came up to me like " Someone (probably Josh) said u were talking crap about me" I told him the straight truth, I WAS.
I would never kiss Garrett so his dream or whatever he had and told Josh was BS.
Justin came out to the lunch table today. It was really interesting.
We did a project about what we cant live without in anatomy. Oh no.
Dusty and I sang a duet today the IN THE JUNGLE SONG.
Then me and Justin did the Celine Dion song.
It was hilarious.
Sometimes God does stuff just to humor me.
That class is one of them.
Back to the whole Josh thing though, sometimes it is really frustrating. He is acting like he hates me and IDK why. Its not my fault.


Modeling=Great.

Comming up for Air

The last couple of days have been very awkward ones.
Josh doesnt even really want to be around me which is a pretty upseting thing I guess.
Everytime I call he is to busy or something like that.
When I try to sit with him in class he moves, same with at breakfast.
He says some mean stuff to me too. More than usual. Justin says its jsut the way he is sometimes and he doesnt mean to be hurtful and everytime i bring it up to Josh he tells me he is sorry and that he will stop but he keeps on being hurtful. I was reading something in anatomy class that says that the reason many young females have a lot of pelvic pain is because of the stress of verbally abusive boyfriends. I wouldnt go quite as far as to say that but still. i do have that problem alot. I never know when he is joking so i just guess he isnt joking and it really hurts sometimes. Justin isnt helping at all. He likes to tell me every little thing. idk if he does it to see me mad and hurt or if he is just trying to help me out. I have been holding in so much that i am afraid i am going to explode. Honestly. I love Josh to death but Justin brought up a good point. Would Josh even care if we broke up?
I know I would.
I would be devistated.
But thats not the point.

The point is, one minute he makes me feel like he really means that he loves me and the next I dont even have a clue. If he was just 100% straight forward about things, life would be alot easier.

Ok, and lets add to this whole deal that I have no clue what I am doing wrong!

The only posibble thing I can really think of is he is disappointed about my physical apperance. I would be too if I was him. Understandable. I guess. either way though, I have been trying to work on that. I lost ANOTHER 10lbs this week. Which is good and bad. Thats 20lbs in less than a month. To tell you the truth the big reason I am doing the modeling is so that maybe he will find me attractive. What guy wouldnt love to have a model for their girlfriend? The agency wants me to lose 20 more lbs and dye my hair blonde. Josh likes my hair blonde anyways.
I just dont want to do any shoots or things that will make him mad. thats all I worry about there.

I wish he would just tell me what he is so unhappy about when it comes to me. Jeeze how hard would that be?


I really do love him though. :-)

So yesturday I finally signed on with the agency. I am really excited to start.
Youth Group went to Holy angels to give them money. I never realized how awkward retards can make u feel.