Its hard to force a smile when everything feels tragic

Titles a bit dramatic, I know.
But so is my life.
Its not even the real, and honest kind of drama.
Its the fake, petty, retarded kind.

*inhales*

My family -- once again -- is the pettiest bunch of psycotic people I have even encountered.
I WILL NEVER EVER GO TO THE WALMART WITH MY MOTHER AGAIN.
She had a full cart and got selfish and childish and frustrated and walked out.
An old lady tripped over the cart.
My sister is the biggest gimme-brat on earth.

Err.

I feel so alone.
Dramatic? Yes.
After 6 months of being single, i am still trying to grasp the concept of being single.
I miss having someone to care about.
I miss someone caring about me.
(there I go sounding dramatic again)

I had the worst dream ever last night.
I was playing with my little girl, and I was so happy because she was walking for the first time.
I have never felt happier in my life than in that moment of that dream.
Then, suddenly she's gone and I am at this old rusty house.
Someone tells me that my babys up in New York and that she isnt comming back because someone put alcohol in her bottle.
I couldnt stop crying.
I never felt anything more terrifying and worse than the moment they told me my child wasnt comming back in that dream.
I woke up screaming and crying and begging for her to come back.
I am really starting to feel crappy from these night terrors.

*exhale*

I had field testing for physical science today.
And, I made a 100 on a chem test for that class.
I am a Chemistry Champ.
Its what the bracelet says.
I also fell asleep after I finished the field test.
I had a dream that I was going to burn the roses Chris gave me.
(Chris used to by me a dozen roses for every month we were together)
(I never threw them out either, I would keep them in a box beneath my bed after they died)
I finally got rid of them in my dream though.
I have never felt so accomplished in my life.

You know whats sad?
The fact that the three times I have actually truley felt an emotion in my life were in dreams.
Sure I have felt disappointment, happiness, sad.
But I have never felt those feelings so strongly in my life.

I am seriously twisted.