Never give up

Its moments like this when I ask myself "Is it all worth it? Is it all worth the fight?"
I'd like to think that he is in my imagination.
I would love to believe that I never met him or had a crush on him or even thought about him.
Fair enough?
I would like to think that I am still considered attractive.
There are the occassions where I get asked out or told how "amazing" or "beautiful" I am.
I would love to believe it though.
I would love to go on in my old body, with my normal skin and slight tan and know that guys want me.
Playing pretend can be fun, though, it does mess with your head.
I would like to think that my friends will always be there for me.
I would like to know that they wont grow up and grow apart.
In the end I know it will happen and when it does, I will have new friends.
It just wont be the same.
I would love to believe that I am not really pregnant and Chris really isnt gone.
I would like to hope someday he will see me and Emma and have a sudden yearning to know about her.
I hope my face, and the thought of not knowing his child haunts him for the rest of his life.